I was born in the early 1980s into a working-class family, which included my biological father, who was grappling with alcoholism. A destructive addiction that casts its shadow beyond the individual.

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My formative years were marked by adversity for my mother, brother, and myself. It wasn't until my mother found a new partner that our lives began to stabilise. This new figure played a pivotal role in instilling core values like hard work, determination, and resilience in me. Since my early teens, I have been privileged to call him my dad—an inspirational figure in my life.

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My left school at 16 with below average grades and without a clear direction or purpose. I preceded to drift through my teens without a defined plan. The expectation was never to go on to further education, but instead to secure employment and work hard, a path shared by many of my peers.

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It was during my teens that I grappled with mental health challenges, primarily related to OCD and anxiety. In an era when support was less accessible, I coped by avoiding my issues, masking my struggles with a façade of confidence, while secretly battling feelings of inadequacy.

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At age 20, fortune led me to a junior office role within a small North Bristol company. Unbeknownst to me, this opportunity would serve as a turning point in my life. Guided by the principles instilled in my upbringing, I worked diligently, acquired fundamental skills, and garnered some small yet significant recognition. A year into my employment, the owner of the company saw potential in me and generously offered to sponsor evening college education in accountancy. Albeit at a basic level this was a life-changing offer I embraced wholeheartedly.

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Fast forward 5 years, I found my soul mate, got married and became a father. You would assume that I had it all worked at at this point, right? Unfortunately, not. This period in my life marked a significant escalation in my mental health issues. My particular issue with OCD was the constant fear that our house would catch fire while we sleep and we wouldn't be able to escape. An irrational fear but one that was very real in my mind. Balancing a new child alongside my OCD posed a formidable daily challenge.​ Little did I realise that one of the happiest days of my life, would also mark the onset of over a decade of gruelling mental health battles. At its worst, I was compelled to meticulously inspect every inch of my house every night, convinced that if I didn't the house would catch fire. This relentless struggle took a toll on not just my own wellbeing, but also my family, my marriage, friendships, and the relationships with my children. At one point, I even contemplated suicide. This was my 'rock bottom'.

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I understand the struggle against our inner demons, the isolation, and helplessness, with no apparent light at the end of the tunnel. Coupled with the responsibility of being a good father and husband, for me this proved to be the most daunting challenge I've ever confronted, and likely ever will. Society expects men to protect and support their families regardless of what we feel on the inside, but this burden became overwhelming for me.

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After 12 long years (once I hit that 'rock bottom'), I finally sought help and started to open up about the way I was feeling. This was so hard to do but also marked the start of my recovery. You will never be free from struggle but by building your own resilience, a support structure around you and understanding that it is ok to stumble at times, your demons can be managed.

"You can't stop the tough times happening, but you can be ready for when they do"

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Even today, mental health issues in men are often viewed as a sign of weakness. The pressure to perpetually appear strong often leads to concealed feelings of failure, guilt, and inadequacy. We should strive to be strong providers, but the journey must be a collective effort.

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I am here to assert that everyone grapples with their own battles beneath the surface. You are not alone, and no one's journey is without adversity. Strength lies in confronting your inner struggles, managing your situation, and accepting support. You are not broken; you are being tested, and you must find a way to face that challenge.

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Life is perpetually challenging, where one day can be triumphant and the next, a harrowing ordeal. As a collective, we must unite, communicate openly, and share the burden, helping one another harness our strength. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness; it signifies taking control.

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This is why I founded Build Life House. During my formative years, I lacked the understanding, skills and the support network I needed. I bear no resentment; it simply wasn't available to me. Build Life House exists to offer a platform to ensure others receive the support they require to succeed or at least provide a structure in which resilience can be built. This is not medical intervention; it's prevention. However, the BuildLifeHouse mission seeks to significantly reduce the number of men reaching crisis points.

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The program is centred around self-discovery, sharing experiences, developing skills, and establishing principles and habits to bolster your mental health and resilience, all while building a 'metaphorical house'. Once in place this strong structure paves the way for personal growth, reducing the likelihood of future mental health crises.

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However, should you ever reach a crisis point necessitating medical intervention, our program/app can connect you with mental health providers. This is not a failure; it's you taking control.

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As I write this, I am a Chartered Accountant, Certified Life Coach, and hold a Diploma in Psychology. I only wish that a program like BuildLifeHouse had been available to me in my youth—a program that not only offers a framework for supporting my mental health but also helps me comprehend why it's necessary in the first place.

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We are all perpetual works-in-progress, and that's a constant. With Build Life House, I have found structure, purpose, and meaning to help me become the best version of myself—not just for my sake but also for those around me

Remember:

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"Success is not just about the destination, it's the journey it took to get there. Some journeys are tougher than others, but they're all tough in their own way"

I sincerely hope you enjoy, and take benefit from the BuildLifeHouse program

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Best wishes for the future

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Darren Paul Matthews​​

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